My Dislike/Like Guide to the 2012 NFL Draft

 

          I have compiled the following list (in no particular order) of a few things I dislike and like about the NFL Draft.  To get yourself in the mood for the Draft, I recommend piping in some noise of booing Jets fans while you’re reading this post.

I Dislike…

  • the buzzkill when you favorite team picks an offensive lineman in the 1st Round.   Immediately, you get a sinking feeling similar to when you find out a girl you have a crush on changes her Facebook profile to “In a relationship.”  After unsuccessfully flirting with different quarterbacks this season, imagine the outrage from Dolphins fans if they drafted an offensive lineman instead of Ryan Tannehill.  I would guess attendance at Dolphins home games would drop from 500 to 200.
  • over-evaluating pre-draft workouts.  See JaMarcus Russell and Kyle Boller throwing from their knees.  Different sport, but also see, Yi Jianlin dominating the folding chair.
  • Matt Millen evaluating draft picks on TV.  It would be the equivalent of having  Michael Jordan analyze the NBA draft.  If Millen says, “you can never have enough wide receivers on your team,” take a shot of your favorite adult beverage.
  • When they go to a commercial break while your team makes its selection.  You waited patiently while 31 other teams, which you don’t care for at all, made their selections.  When they return from commercial, the analysts have already moved onto discussing the next selection.
  • the fact that here’s players entering the league that are born in the 90s, which makes me feel old.  I sympathize with Brandon Weeden who is probably old enough to be some of these players’ grandfather.
  • the following conversation with my mom:

Mom: Son, what are you doing this weekend?

Me: I might stay in to watch the NFL Draft.  I want to see which players the 49ers pick.

Mom: This is why you’re single…

FML

I Like…

  • players finally getting a chance to play in a real playoff system instead of the BCS to determine a championship.
  • wondering what keeps Mel Kiper’s hair together in the same position through the years.  Whatever substance he uses, I think Roy Williams could use some of it on his gloves.
  • that proud moment when you see someone from your alma mater get drafted.  During the player interviews, I always puff up my chest when a player gives a shout out to my alma mater, Ball So Hard University. Also, proud SEC fans will definitely point out to Big 10 fans that the SEC players have more speed when walking across the stage to shake Roger Goodell’s hand.
  • the chances of the Vikings moving to LA increase if they draft Matt Kalil.  Follow me through this scenario.  Kalil will be in charge of protecting Christian Ponder.  If they can keep Christian Ponder upright and let Adrian Petersen sit out with his injury the whole season, then they’re essentially tanking the season to get a high pick in 2013.  They use their high pick on Matt Barkley and the LA Vikings have their own homegrown quarterback.
  • watching the NFL Draft over the 1st round of the NBA playoffs.  I’m a huge NBA fan, but the first round matchups have me feeling about as excited as Jim Caldwell watching a football game. I left out the NHL playoffs because I’m still trying to figure out which channels the games are on.
  • how the NFL draftees know how to put on a ball cap properly unlike the  European NBA draftees.
  • wasting time at work to start an epic e-mail chain with your bros about the draft.  Remember, it’s never too early to start trolling your friend’s favorite team.
  • having the draft in New York.  I always associate New York with big dreams and being thrown into the spotlight, which fits the NFL Draft perfectly.
  • my mom’s refreshing honesty because moms are never wrong.  For example, if I tell a girl that I’m glued to the TV watching Round 7, then I will really become Mr. Irrelevant.

          During the Draft, I will be tweeting from time to time.  You can follow me @pwnteam. After the Draft is finished, I will be back to post some my thoughts and overreactions to the weekend’s events.

-pwnteam